I had a fabulous weekend in London with my cousins. Going with them meant I actually saw the sights and went places. Whenever Phil and I have gone to London, it’s never been too productive.
I was there with my cousin John (22) James (25), my second-cousin Ellen from Australia (18) and her cousin Aaron (30). We met a few other randomers along the way. Including Phil on Sunday.
It was strange seeing him again after all that has happened, and considering we’re on a ‘break’. I don’t really know what this break is even doing as, considering he still speaks to me in much the same way, and I know I am still in love with him and tell him thqat frequently, I don’t think we’re really progressing at all. He told me he doesn’t love me the same way any more. That did hurt. More than he’ll ever realise. I just guess he probably has the capability to move on to another girl. Where, I really don’t. I’m not ready for this to end…but I can kinda see it in his eyes. I don’t know if he’s found someone new, I doubt he’d ever actually tell me.
Today I found a letter he wrote me for my 17th birthday. There was a card inside that proclaimed he would love me, forever, and had written a huge list of all the years inside it. It was a pretty romantic letter too, with huge luminous I LOVE YOU written across the bottom. Almost every paragraph had something to do with how happy I made him and how he hopes I’ll always be happy, because happy Maggie is a happy Phil. Well here’s an update. I’m not happy, he’s never happy, and I can’t remember the last time I made him happy.
But I know it’s possible.
The past two days I have spent watching The Mighty Boosh. I had seen bits of it before here and there, but this is the first time I’ve watched the whole thing. I have to admit, I love it. I love Naboo and I think I also am in love with Noel Fielding (Vince Noir).
I keep thinking about designing t-shirts today.
It’s my dad’s 52nd birthday today. This also means the first month of the year has passed. I’m glad. It was actually an amazing month for me. Well, it did have it’s ups and downs. Had Phil and I been on better terms I think it could’ve been one of the best months of my life. There’s nothing like a bit of love and romance to keep me going.
I watched Bridget Jones the other night. I forgot how pathetically similar I am to her, at the mere age of 18. That’s pretty depressing eh. That also reminds me, I’ve grown out of my favourite wonderbra. I need to go to Debenhams and get a new one. I feel like crying. I should try dieting at uni…however cider just puts it all back on. Someone tell me what alcohol I can drink (cheaply) which will keep me from getting any bigger?
Sunday was the first day since I have known Phil, that I’ve not kissed him when I’ve had the chance. Even the first day we met, I kissed him. I felt so glad as we said goodbye on the underground that he kissed my cheek. That tiny gesture meant a lot to me. I wish more people would realise that tiny gestures do mean a lot to me.
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