can't breathe

I miss him. I HATE HIM. I hate what he's done. I hate that secret other side. I hate hate hate with all my heart, what my brain thinks. I wish I was numb to the core, I wish I could float along. I want to smoke myself to death. I want to live in a room full of paints and paper, live in a world of my own love. Art and music will save me. Why am I stuck in this retched place with that retched horrible feeling gnawing at the back of my mind?

Why did he fuck me up like this.

Hate. Hurt. Where do you draw the line? Maybe the line just sliced through me and squeezed my lungs. I can't remember how to breathe, feel easy and relax. So tense, so tense.

Time to draw child, it's time to let go of him, let go of them, let go of yourself. You'll survive.